4 Days ago, I put Meatball down.
I can't tell you she's any different from other cats. I can't tell you she's friendlier, cuter, funnier, smarter, or even sweeter than you cat, cause she's not. BUT, she only cuddled with me, only followed me around, only slept on my lap... only let me touch her furry belly. The way she looked at me, she gave to no others. When she laid on me, it usually came with drips of drools – from euphoria.
That's a pet, in total trust in you.
4 Days ago, I laid Meatball down on my bed for the last time. That was always her favorite spot. She was unable to move that day. Her eyes wide open, refused to close, as if she knew if she did, that would have been the end of it all. But as I laid behind her, petted her gentle and now fragile bony body, she purred. And purred. And purred. Was that a sign of hope?! And still, hours passed, regardless of the purring, she was still unable to move. The only thing she ever did was putting her little paws on my boyfriend's hand and nothing more, ever again. That night, I put her down, right there, on her favorite spot. I saw that last breath she took as her belly went down.
I can't explain the purring on her dying day. I can't explain her paws on my boyfriend's hand when even lifting her head seemed that hard. I can't explain the silly eyes that wouldn't close when she was obviously so so tired. I can't explain any of it...
Till it all came to me... all that was her way of showing me her love, her farewell to me, her way of telling me not to be sad, and that she was content. It was her way of farewell to my boyfriend and as some others put it, her way of showing the passing of the responsibility to look after me, her trust in him. Ironically enough, during her living days, I always asked her, "Meatball, I don't want to be your mommy, can I be your baby?" It wasn't till after she passed, I realized she did love me and took care of me the way a mother would.
And yes, I know, this could all be in my head...
To dedicate an entry to Meatball here, I could easily tell you how much I love her or how much I want her back; to tell you how much she loved me, says much more. She was no special cat, as I am no special pet owner. But we sure, were special to each other.
